Saving Dinner!

North Texas Youth Connection is participating in a new and exciting online fundraiser with “Saving Dinner”!

Saving Dinner’s fundraiser is unique in that their mission is to promote healthy eating habits in adults and children, and to help solve the “What’s for dinner?” question with innovative meal planning solutions.

I (the I here being Vicky Penn … NTYC staff and busy mom!) am a personal fan of the website, having subscribed to their weekly meal planners for years. It was so nice to take all of the hassle out of meal planning and grocery shopping by having the entire thing delivered to my inbox each week. Some of my kids’ favorite meals have come from Saving Dinner’s menus!

All you do is visit our link: http://www.savingdinner.com/388.html and choose between custom packages and gift certificates to savingdinner.com. All products are available for instant download upon purchase.

“Saving Dinner” has an entire catalog of digital products designed to help you plan your meals and get your family back to the dinner table.

And for those of you who are tired of trying to get your kids to answer something other than “Nothing” when you ask them a question such as “What did you do in school today?” … For the first 25 people who make a purchase through this fundraiser, NTYC will also include a free “Table Topics” available either for you to pick up, or we will ship it to you!

This sturdy box contains a stack of cards, each with a suggested topic for conversation at the dinner table that night.  Everyone in the family can take turns choosing a card and starting lively discussions.  (Some of our Table Topics appear periodically in our Twitter feed, which you can see here on our page.)  To receive your Table Topics as part of this fundraiser promotion, just let us know when you’ve made your savingdinner.com purchase by dropping us an email with your name and address to vpenn@ntxyouthconnection.org.

Why are youth in America homeless?

Causes of homelessness among youth fall into three inter-related categories, family problems, economic problems, and residential instability. Many homeless youth leave home after years of physical and sexual abuse, strained relationships, addiction of a family member, and parental neglect. Disruptive family conditions are the principal reason that young people leave home: in one study, more than half of the youth interviewed during shelter stays reported that their parents either told them to leave or knew they were leaving and did not care (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (a), 1995). In another study, 46% of runaway and homeless youth had been physically abused and 17% were forced into unwanted sexual activity by a family or household member (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (c), 1997).

Some youth may become homeless when their families suffer financial crises resulting from lack of affordable housing, limited employment opportunities, insufficient wages, no medical insurance, or inadequate welfare benefits. These youth become homeless with their families, but are later separated from them by shelter, transitional housing, or child welfare policies (Shinn and Weitzman, 1996).

Residential instability also contributes to homelessness among youth. A history of foster care correlates with becoming homeless at an earlier age and remaining homeless for a longer period of time (Roman and Wolfe, 1995). Some youth living in residential or institutional placements become homeless upon discharge — they are too old for foster care but are discharged with no housing or income support (Robertson, 1996). One national study reported that more than one in five youth who arrived at shelters came directly from foster care, and that more than one in four had been in foster care in the previous year (National Association of Social Workers, 1992).

Discussion around homelessness

Early this morning, I posted a status update on Facebook:

How come when we see homeless dogs or cats, we all think “poor thing”, we ask our friends who can give them a home, post their photos all over facebook and in ads trying to find them a home … but when faced with homeless PEOPLE we cringe, we don’t want to talk about it, and we make judgments as to why they’re homeless before we even think about helping them find a home. Just my personal random thought of the day.

As I had hoped, it caused some discussion.  So I wanted to share pieces of the resulting comment discussion, and encourage more people to respond here on WordPress.  It will help bring awareness to an issue that NTYC deals with every day.

• • Gloria  I love this personal random thought of the day! I hope it gets people thinking!!

  • John When we see homeless dogs and cats, it’s usually as a result of the actions of a human….When we see a homeless human, it’s usually the result of the actions of that same person….

  • Vicky Penn Mostly true but … the barriers of poverty are huge hurdles to overcome, especially generational poverty, as are problems associated with mental illness and physical disability, and all of these are difficult to understand unless you have been there or work with the clients. And in my personal case, we work with homeless youth under age 18 … yet the homeless animals still get more “attention” …

  • Tiffany Vicky I don’t know you, but it’s so true…..I hate when people say, don’t help them because they deserve it or they are just going to use money for drugs etc…we don’t know what happened in others lives, nor should we judge…we never know when we may need help one day..

  • Gloria  Tiffany, Vicky was my boss in Texas. I worked for a non profit agency and managed the homeless grant. I loved loved my job and hated to leave, it was what I was put on this earth to do!! She is amazing at what she does, Development Director for the agency, everyone does awesome work and many of the programs supports kids who are homeless!!

  • Tiffany Sounds like they did great work…that’s awesome that you could do something with such great reward…..I hope you find that again…

  • David  The other day I saw a homeless man with his little dog. I didn’t know the heck too do!

  • Vicky Penn Not uncommon for a person, even when homeless, to want to keep a pet that has been one of their few steady companions for years, to keep some resemblance of stability in their lives and someone/thing that they feel cares about them at a time when they feel like no one else does

  • Ruth  Social Darwinism has once again become very popular and people actually believe they “got where they are on their own”.

  • John  Ruth ??? So where you are, isn’t a result of your hard work?

  • Vicky Penn I believe most people got there on their own. It’s just seldom that they know how to get OUT of there on their own. They haven’t been shown an alternate way of doing things, of living. So do we just leave them, and all suffer the consequences, or do we try to help them?

  • Gloria  WOW!!! Look at all this talk about homelessness!! Awesome, I challenge everyone on this feed to volunteer in someway to volunteer at an agency near you to support a/any homeless program. It is very rewarding!! Trust me!

  • Gloria  P.S. Amen to Vicky’s last post, she knows what she speaks!!

  • Travis  When i was a kid I tried to give this homeless guy money, but he wouldn’t take it, so I wondered what was wrong with him. I was eating some food and then I realized he wanted my food so I gave him my food and all the sudden his eyes lid up like he has won a jackpot. haha

• Gloria  sounded like he wanted to eat instead of go shopping

• Vicky Penn Oh John I get your question now. Yes I bet Ruth would definitely say that she got where she is as a result of her hard work. She benefited from things that the majority of homeless lack: she knew HOW to do it, she had education, she had good mentors in her life. The knowing how part is hugely lacking for people living in poverty (generational poverty, not so much situational poverty). We have the know how to do it part; they simply do not. And you can’t do what you don’t know how to do.

• Vicky Penn Recommended reading: any book by Ruby Payne. She is one of the leading experts on poverty and what it really means, providing some insights that even people working with people experiencing poverty just do not know because they’ve never experienced it.

Post your comments below.  I will try to update this as fully as reasonable if more discussion occurs on Facebook.

Rockwall ISD

Rockwall ISD is partnering with NTYC to provide outside counseling services for their students and families this school year. Campus counselors are utilizing this resources for families in crisis. To date, 96 students from 15 of the 18 campuses have been referred to STAR with 62% actively engaged in counseling sessions. RISD provides the use of a counseling office and group support classroom at their in-district Parent Education Center making it convenient for the families. NTYC offers flexible hours both within and outside the school day as well as on weekends to accommodate the counseling request.

This resource is available to other school districts and communities in our service area. With the state of school finance and the ever growing needs of children and families, such a partnership is a win-win for both entities. Contact one of NTYC’s STAR Case Managers with questions (visit the “contact us” page) regarding the implementation of this program in your school district. It is definitely a difference maker!

Parenting Tips For Stress-Free Holidays

The holidays are a joyous time when loved ones come together to share traditions and to celebrate.  But for many families, the holidays can also be a time of stress and frustration, sometimes unintentionally resulting in an increased risk of child abuse and neglect.

Research tells us that economic and personal stress are leading contributors to child abuse and neglect.  For too many parents, the holidays increase stress levels because of extra demands on their time, money and energy.  To minimize the risk of abuse, it’s best to reduce unnecessary stress by planning ahead.

Prevent Child Abuse Texas offers the following tips to help families enjoy the holidays while keeping tension to a minimum:

1.   Establish a budget for holiday spending.  Be realistic about what you can afford to spend on gifts, entertainment, decorations for the home, special foods, travel, etc.

2.   Hold a family meeting to discuss holiday plans.  Ask for ideas from the children for family activities that would appeal to them.

3.    Post a calendar of family activities in a place where all family members will see it.  Ask each person to remind you of school events, church activities, parties, etc.

4.    Remind children that a gift’s importance is not determined by the amount of money spent on it.  Handmade gifts and freshly baked cookies are welcome and appreciated by friends and relatives.

5.    Check community calendars and local lists of events to find inexpensive or free activities for children.  Write all possibilities on individual slips of brightly colored paper and put them in a “holiday fun jar”.  When children have been especially cooperative with other family members, allow them to choose a slip of paper from the jar.  Then, the family can enjoy an afternoon of skating, sledding or other fun activity together.

6.    Have your children make a list of elderly or shut-in neighbors in your area.  Plan to share a meal, some of your time, or run errands for these neighbors.  Explain to children that helping and sharing are important elements of special holidays.

7.    Find time to relax and reflect on the simple joys of the holidays.  When you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, take a break to get a better perspective on what needs to be done and what can be done.

8.    If you find that it is becoming difficult to avoid being verbally or physically harsh with your children, STOP.  Don’t take out your anger on your kids.  Instead, try the following:

• Take a deep breath and count to 20.
• Phone a friend.
• Take a walk outside, or use another form of exercise.
• Laugh.  Even a comedy show on television will help relieve stress.
• Spend one hour doing something you really enjoy.

Prevent Child Abuse Texas is the leading organization working to prevent the abuse and neglect of our state’s children.  More information is available by accessing the organization’s web site at www.preventchildabusetexas.org.

Or contact North Texas Youth Connection at (903) 893-4717.

40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents

Sharing this information because it has helped me with my own children, making sure that they have the social assets that they need to grow into successful adults.  I urge you to visit their website, they have GREAT information!

Search Institute has identified the following building blocks of healthy development—known as Developmental Assets—that help young children grow up healthy, caring, and responsible.  This particular list is intended for adolescents (age 12-18). If you’d like to see the lists for other age groups, you can find them on the Developmental Assets Lists lists page.  For more information on the assets and the research behind them, see theDevelopmental Assets or Developmental Assets Research page.

For a printer-friendly version of this page, download this list.

EXTERNAL ASSETS

SUPPORT
1. Family Support | Family life provides high levels of love and support.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
2. Positive Family Communication | Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parents.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
3. Other Adult Relationships | Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
4. Caring Neighborhood | Young person experiences caring neighbors.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
5. Caring School Climate | School provides a caring, encouraging environment.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
6. Parent Involvement in Schooling | Parent(s) are actively involved in helping the child succeed in school.

EMPOWERMENT

7. Community Values Youth | Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
8. Youth as Resources | Young people are given useful roles in the community.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
9. Service to Others | Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
10. Safety | Young person feels safe at home, school, and in the neighborhood.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS

11. Family Boundaries | Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
12. School Boundaries | School provides clear rules and consequences.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
13. Neighborhood Boundaries | Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
14. Adult Role Models | Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
15. Positive Peer Influence | Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
16. High Expectations | Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

17. Creative Activities | Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
18. Youth Programs | Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in community organizations.SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
19. Religious Community | Young person spends one hour or more per week in activities in a religious institution.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
20. Time at Home | Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

INTERNAL ASSETS

COMMITMENT TO LEARNING
1. Achievement Motivation | Young person is motivated to do well in school.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
2. School Engagement | Young person is actively engaged in learning.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
3. Homework | Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
4. Bonding to School | Young person cares about her or his school.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
5. Reading for Pleasure | Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

POSITIVE VALUES

6. Caring | Young Person places high value on helping other people.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
7. Equality and Social Justice | Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
8. Integrity | Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs.
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
9. Honesty | Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.”
   SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
10. Responsibility | Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
11. Restraint | Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

12. Planning and Decision Making | Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
13. Interpersonal Competence | Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
14. Cultural Competence | Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.

    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

15. Resistance Skills | Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
16. Peaceful Conflict Resolution | Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

POSITIVE IDENTITY

17. Personal Power | Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.”
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
18. Self-Esteem | Young person reports having a high self-esteem.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
19. Sense of Purpose | Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.”
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION
20. Positive View of Personal Future | Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.
    SHOW ME HOW TO TAKE ACTION

This list is an educational tool. It is not intended to be nor is it appropriate as a scientific measure of the developmental assets of individuals.
Copyright © 1997, 2007 by Search Institute. All rights reserved. This chart may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial use only (with this copyright line). No other use is permitted without prior permission from Search Institute, 615 First Avenue N.E., Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828. See Search Institute’s Permissions Guidelines and Request Form. The following are registered trademarks of Search Institute: Search Institute®, Developmental Assets® and Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth®.

Saturday in the Park, June 6

Saturday in the Park

June 6, 2009

3:00 PM – 10:00 PM

4500 W. Houston, Sherman TX

Free fun for the entire family! Benefitting North Texas Youth Connection and Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Featuring:

Ronny Spears & O.D. Corral

Special Guests:

New York Summer

Paint

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Also appearing:

Rachel Toews

at Seasons West 4500 W. Houston, Sherman

Bring your picnics, grills, lawn chairs, blankets and coolers, but please no alcohol.

Gates open at 3pm

Dealing With Temper Tantrums

What’s Happening

Two and three-year-olds have many skills, but controlling their tempers is not one of them.  Tantrums are common at this age because toddlers are becoming independent and developing their own wants, needs and ideas.  However, they are not yet able to express their wants and feelings with words.  Take comfort in the fact that most children outgrow tantrums by age four.

What You Might Be Seeing

Normal toddlers:

• Love to say “no!”, “mine!”, and “do it myself!”
• Test rules over and over to see how parents will react
• Are not yet ready to share
• Need lots of fun activities, play times, and opportunities to explore the world
• Respond well to routine for sleeping and eating (a regular schedule)
• Like to imitate gronwups and “help” mom and dad

What You Can Do

It is easier to prevent tantrums than to deal with them once they get going.  Try these tips:

• Direct your child’s attention to something else.  (“Wow, look at that fire engine!”)
• Give your child a choice in small matters.  (“Do you want to eat peas or carrots?”)
• Stick to a daily routine that balances fun activities with enough rest and healthy food.
• Anticipate when your child will be disappointed.  (“We are going to buy groceries for dinner.  We won’t be buying cookies, but you can help me pick out some fruit for later.”)
• Praise your child when he or she shows self-control and expresses feelings with words.

If you cannot prevent the tantrum, here are some tips for dealing with it:

• Say what you expect from your child and have confidence that your child will behave.
• Remain calm.  You are a role model for your child.
• Holding your child during a tantrum may help a younger child feel more secure and calm down more quickly.
• Take your child to a quiet place where he or she can calm down safely.  Speak softly or play soft music.
• Some children throw tantrums to seek attention.  Try ignoring the tantrum, but pay attention to your child after he or she calms down.
• Resist overreacting to tantrums, and try to keep your sense of humor.

When your child is having a floor-thumping tantrum, the most important thing you can do is remain calm and wait it out.  Do not let your child’s behavior cause you to lose control, too.

For more tips, visit http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/promoting/parenting.

Or visit North Texas Youth Connection at http://www.ntxyouthconnection.org

Connecting with your Teen

What’s Happening

Many teens spend less time with their families than they did as younger children.  As they become more independent and learn to think for themselves, relationships with friends become very important.  Sometimes it may feel like your teen doesn’t need you any more.  But teens still need their parents’ love, support and guidance.

What You Might Be Seeing

Normal teens:

• crave independence
• question rules and authority
• test limits
• can be impulsive
• make mature decisions at times, and childish ones at others

What You Can Do

Simple, everyday activities can reinforce the connection between you and your teen.  Make room in your schedule for special times when you can, but also take advantage of routine activities that show you care.

Tips to Keep in Mind

Have family meals. If it’s impossible to do every night, schedule a regular weekly family dinner night that accommodates your child’s schedule.

Share “ordinary” time. Look for everyday opportunities to bond with your teen.  Even times spent driving or walking the dog together offer chances for your teen to talk about what’s on his or her mind.

Get involved, be involved, and stay involved. Go to games and practices when you can.  Ask about homework and school projects.  Look for chances to learn about your teen’s latest hobby.

Be interested. Make it clear that you care about your teen’s ideas, feelings, and experiences.  If you listen to what he or she is saying, you’ll get a better sense of the guidance and support needed.  Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents too when possible.

Set clear limits. Teens still need your guidance, but you can involve your teen in setting rules and consequences.  Make sure consequences are related to the behavior, and be consistent in following through.  Choose your battles.  Try to provide choices in the matters that are less important.

Your words and actions help your teen feel secure.  Don’t forget to say and show how much you love your teen!

For more parenting tips, contact North Texas Youth Connection at 1-800-568-7776 (North Texas) or http://www.ntxyouthconnection.org, or visit www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/promoting/parenting.

Mom! I’m hungry!

There’s nothing that stresses me more than walking in from work, usually late, and hearing my kids immediately start saying “we’re hungry!” All I want to do is soak in a hot bath, but of course I can’t ignore their growling stomachs (mine too for that matter). The seemingly easiest thing is to run to the closest fast food place and order a load of fat, calorie and sodium-laden burgers.

That thought doesn’t excite me. Not even at 7:30 p.m. when I’m facing probably an hour of kitchen time between prep, cooking and clean up at a minimum.

So, as a working (almost always more than 40 hours/week) mom (of five hungry teen boys, four who still are at home), how do I keep my sanity in the kitchen yet refrain from filling my boys with junk food?

I cook for a week.

What I try to do is jot down the menu of things I want to cook for the next week on Saturday. Not even detailed, for example if I buy chicken breast and ground beef or turkey, I can think of 10 entrees off the top of my head that we enjoy. I always know I’m going to use produce, so I do a quick check to see what we’re missing (I try to keep a list on the fridge, but those hungry boys may have eaten the last of some important ingredient that I would otherwise miss). I make my grocery list and do my shopping that afternoon.

Sunday is my cooking day. Yes, I know it’s supposed to be a day of rest, but I think keeping my sanity and my kids healthy is just as important.

Here’s my philosophy: if I’m going to have to chop onions, or cook some ground beef, it’s easier and more efficient to do all of it at once for the whole week. Plus the bowls and chopping board and everything else for preparation is only getting washed one day rather than every day. That’s saving me some time right there. Also, I buy disposable rectangular aluminum pans, like the kind you see caterers use (allows me to also save a bit of washing up, and they are recyclable if you want to wash them.) You can also buy oven-safe paper pans, or just use the casserole dishes you already have if they are both freezer and oven-safe.

I pre-mix everything for the week, and it goes into the freezer either in those aluminum pans, or in freezer ziptop bags. I leave the meals for Monday and Tuesday in the refrigerator. If what I’ve prepared is in an oven-safe pan, my kids will pop it in the oven when they get home from school, meaning it’s usually ready by the time I’m home from work. I just add a tossed salad and some veggies and the meal is complete (and I barely had to cook!). Then on Monday I move whatever we’re going to have Wednesday from the freezer to the refrigerator so it can be thawed in time. On Tuesday I repeat that process with the meal for Thursday.

I will admit, I don’t always get to do this. Sometimes I end up working 7 days in a week, leaving me too tired to do my usually weekend shopping/cooking routine. And I can feel the impact. Kids are still hungry, but mom has nothing ready and all she really wants to do is sit on the couch in a vegetative state. My preference would be to cook for a whole MONTH at a time, but space limitations only let me have a small deep freezer so this is unrealistic for us.

What got me started on this process was a menu service I subscribed to for about a year. Each week I got an email with the shopping list, menu and recipes for 5 days worth of meals. I didn’t have to think, all I had to do was buy what was listed and prepare it like it said. That website, www.savingdinner.com, also has menus like “5 for the freezer” of chicken and beef, and crockpot recipes. I also have over a year’s worth of recipes (not to mention the freezer and crockpot ones) and I know which are my family’s favorites.

Best of all, I wasn’t having to rely upon things like spaghetti, meatloaf, roasted chicken, more spaghetti, more meatloaf – those standard things you fix when you don’t have time to think. Even though I don’t use the service any more, it got me into a great routine which we still follow. I also collect other favorite recipes that we try here and there in a large binder with all of the pages inside sheet protectors.

Just to give you an idea of what we end up with, here is our menu for the week:

Shepherd’s Pie

Chicken Satay (one of my favorites)

Greek Turkey Burgers (one of my kids’ very favorites)

Southwestern Quiche

Caribbean Chicken

Pot Roast (good old comfort food)

Glazed Ham

Most of the time, I substitute turkey or even veggie products for ground beef, and my family never notices. I have a better control of the amount and type of fat, sodium levels, and freshness of ingredients.

What’s great?  I get to spend more quality time with my kids during weekday evenings, and relax more too.